Reblogging because I’m sure the comic readers out there could add some more.
i can’t hear you
over the sound
of me crushing my enemies
so here you go
this is the best post on tumblr, hands down
"Apparently it is very laborious and expensive for a man to change his name after marriage and free for a woman," my partner says to me while discussing, yet again, if we should change our last names.
"Well," I say, "this is just terribly sexist and upsetting."
As I have mentioned before, I am getting married (you can read about it here). We’re a pretty untraditional couple that isn’t looking for the run of the mill wedding and most importantly, marriage.
One of the questions I get quite frequently is whether or not I will take my partner’s last name. Let me be very clear: I do not want to change my last name nor does my partner want to change his. We seem to have come to an impasse. We have, however, come up with a new name and talked about using a combination of our names, yet as we have recently discovered, it’s a legal and financial mess! It’s free for women to change their names, but if a man wants to, get ready to rumble legally.
To me, it says so much about our culture and how society is arranged. How stuck are we in the past, that a person, regardless of gender/sex, can not have the option to change such a valuable part of their identity? What society expects is the man to protect his property (his wife) and one of the ways to claim and protect this property is to bestow his surname to her. We still live in a world that expresses the sexist and oppressive need to control women- all the way down to her name. But what is worse, is that men too are oppressed in the same system; it’s just not as easy to spot. Everyone should be treated fairly under the law. Anyone should be able to change their name as easily as anyone else, but we are still dealing with systems that are chained in tradition.
As a couple, we have not let many people know about our choice to change our names. When does it come up, most people are shocked and offended that we are not walking down the traditional path. It’s a personal choice. It is still a topic that we both struggle with because we respect our individuality and both our surnames. I like the sound of my full name and my partner enjoys his; we respect our love for the names we have been handed. Knowing now that it could be a legal fiasco to change his, we have even more stress to a situation that is already stressful.
Like I said before, it’s a deeply personal choice to change a name or not. We’re still dealing with it and hopefully by the time we get married we can come to an agreement that we are both equally happy with.
It’s not about men or women.
Nobody should ever hit anyone.
Nobody should ever rape anyone.
Nobody should ever murder anyone.
Nobody should ever beat anyone.
Nobody should ever threaten anyone.
Nobody should ever insult anyone.
Nobody should ever make anyone uncomfortable.
Nobody should ever touch anyone without their consent.
Nobody should ever steal from anyone.
Nobody should ever humiliate anyone.
ibelongamongthewildflowers asked: I'm interested in sex therapy as well! Could you tell me the author of Feminism and Love? I can't find it on amazon. Also, I'd love here more about how you plan your wedding ceremony. I know I want a big-ish one someday, but I'd like to somehow remove the problematic parts of a traditional ceremony like being "given away."
Oh great! Glad we could connect!
The author of “Feminism and Love” is Ruth Whitney. I am in the middle of reading it and it’s really good. All about getting back to basics and bringing love into everything. If you read it, please let me know your thoughts! Perhaps you would be willing to submit a book review? Always interested in others submitting their work on the blog. :)
I recommend following A Feminist Life for future updates on the wedding. I didn’t realize so many people would want to hear about a feminist wedding or a wedding that is just all kinds of different, so I am excited to encompass it as a story I can feature here.
Like I said in Wedding Mania, you have to do what you want to do and what is right for the couple. I can only speak from our ideas, which follow a feminist path. There have been traditions we have kept but altered to fit our needs. For example, both my parents will be walking me down the “aisle” (we’re doing it outside in a wooded area). They will not be giving me away but there as a a representation of my family and let’s be honest, if I am outside and there are branches, I might fall- why not have two people there to catch me? Another example could be the dress… But I don’t want to give too much away! Stay tuned!
Thank you for reaching out. Please let me know if there is anything else I can help you with and if you have any other questions!
seas0f-3ternal-love asked: I'm looking into becoming a sex therapist too!
Excellent! Let me know if you have any questions! Good luck :)